We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open. - Jawaharlal NehruAnother way to look at this past weekend would be to state, “What happens in Guerneville, stays in … well, actually it typically flows down the river and ends up in Jenner, CA.”
Guerneville is a difficult place to describe. The best description I have is “Gay and White Trash,” although both seem to get along just fine and the line between the two is often blurred. Gureneville is home to such festivities as the Russian River Jazz Festival, Lazy Bear and Womyn’s Weekends. It is also base camp for the yearly canoe trip that I’ve participated in over the past 9 or so years. Even though the participants change, depending on scheduling conflicts, the routine is pretty much the same – at some point during the weekend the troops launch canoes into the Russian River and spend a day in the sun, eating, drinking, splashing and sometimes tipping over.
The Canoe Trip
Burke’s Canoes used to be an affordable way to access the river for the day. It was a little bit of a sticker shock paying $50.00 rental fees verses the $20.00 fees when I started years ago. It’s not like they’re buying new boats every year! The afternoon is always entertaining, especially when the river rats, those actually spending the day in the river not on it, are on display. It’s kind of like floating past a scientific gene-pool experiment. Lovely.
The boys this year, sans Michelle who seems to think spending time with Baby Frank takes precedence over spending time with the “other” boys in her life, were from all parts of the country. We had boys from Chicago, Los Angeles and of course the local bay area guys for a total of 8 canoes and 18 floaters. The river was lower this year, so the obstacles and the weight of certain boats made the journey a bit more challenging. No one drowned … I’ll take that as a successful event.
Hollywood Bob was the loudest and went from zero to misery in about ¼ of the Absolute Vanilla Vodka bottle he was mixing. I can’t imagine how to set the expectations any differently … silly city boys … when the event states that one will be in a canoe on a slow river for four hours … what more can be said? Bring more alcohol? Bring a seat cushion? People need to remember that the goal is not to finish as quickly as possible, but to finish without any beer left in the cooler! Remember children, life is a journey! It was an enjoyable event overall, though next year, a small survey might be added to the screening process.
Q1) Do you like sitting in the sun for hours in the middle of a stinking green river?
Q2) Does your idea of a good time include viewing car parts, river rats, and slime for hours at a time?
Q3) Do you own your cooler?
Q4) Do you melt if water touches you?
Q5) Do you have ADD?
Depending how you answer, you will be welcomed with open arms or advised to sit by the pool and drink margaritas. Every one should be happy with the final decisions.
Other Weekend Adventures
This year we camped at Fife’s in a borrowed tent for Randy and Paul. Frank and I are both over 6” tall and have used my “4—man tent” in the past. Apparently, we count for 2 average people each since we barely squeezed into it last year. Randy had a retro Winnebago tent … let’s just say it was HUGE! We had a front room and a back room! Thanks boys.
Comedy
The Triple R has an outdoor stage during the summer and it was warm evening and comedy night was excellent. Tom Orr did his shtick with Dirty Little Show tunes II, that led up to the comedy performance of the evening, Diane Amos (Yes, the Pine Sol lady!). Steve, Frank, Joe and I were seated near the back of the audience. Steve noted an older gentleman invading his personal space and giggled. A few minutes later, I hear an “OH MY GAWD!” and note that the octogenarian (Mr. O) is not only invading Steve's space but also invading his own personal space and grunting like one of the seal lions at Fisherman’s Wharf! Trust me, I was enjoying the comedy musing of Diane and was ill prepared for Mr. O’s self—stylings. What is a girl to do? Correct! I giggled my ass off! Steve and I couldn’t stop. Shockingly, I was chastised for my ill behavior! ME? I was not displaying a privates show in public! Anyway, Mr. O was escorted off of the premises.
Wine Tasting
Ernie, Ben, Frank and I took a little Russian River Wine Tour along Westside Road. The journey took us to five distinct wineries, a lovely lunch in Healdsburg at the Oakville Grocery before heading back to Guerneville and the Foam party.
The Foam PartyDavis Bynum Winery — THEM: Distinguished as the first winery on Westside Road. Emphasis is to limit production so that the wines reflect the individuality of each vineyard. US: The stand-alone bathroom needed primping and the wine didn’t make me want to dance (in foam or otherwise!) Ben purchased.
Belvedere — THEM: Great wines, fun-loving staff. Aromatic gardens, beautiful views of the valley. US: We agree, and fabulously add, a touch of heaven. Ben and Frank purchased.
J Vineyards — THEM: Experience our unique wine and food program. US: We did and the pairings were delightful! No one purchased.
Rodney Strong: They had nothing to say although Ernie found his bottle of wine for the day. Ernie purchased.
Roshambo winery — THEM: Artisinal wines. Modern art. Amazing architecture. Drop dead gorgeous views. US: One of the servers was drop dead gorgeous and the price for a case of wine was good. Frank and Ben purchased.
Last year, the Foam Party, was a novelty and this year we were better prepared. Basically, Club Fab is a converted movie theater. The interior is divided into different levels with the dance floor located on the lowest section next to the stage. For this particular event, there is a “clothes check” where you strip down to your swimsuit, shorts, Speedos or as was the case last year … your underwear. I wore a sassy black-and-white checkered Speedo that I got from a garage sale. I’m not quite a German tourist (if you know what I mean) but I was able to pull the thing off in the dark (not literally), covered in foam.
The dance floor had a temporary wall made of plastic tubing and sheets of plastic and two foam-making machines to drop soapy foam on the dancers. At times it is so deep that I was gasping for air and other times it was low enough that my knees were exposed. It’s not supposed to irritate the skin … but when you are forced to sign a waiver … you have to wonder.
I have to admit that it is amusing seeing men and women approach the bar looking like they’ve just stepped out of a bubble bath! Hilarious. What happens in the foam … stays in the foam. We had a good time and I’ve never been so clean in my life!
The Trip Home
This had been the most relaxing three-day weekend I’ve had in a long time. Even though we were busy and had things to do, the pace was perfect and being able to spend time with different people without having to drive was great. We even got the chance to enjoy a BBQ at Joe and Larry’s! All things must end but we thought extending the last day would be better than rushing home. We chose to return to San Francisco via the Napa Valley. We had lunch at one of our favorite restaurants in Calistoga, The Flat Iron Grill. As usual, the food was excellent, affordable and the wait staff is the stuff that creates the saliva glands to go into overdrive of both men and women. The topper of the day was a blast-to-the-past experience in Sonoma ... Train Town!
