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My first visit to Puerto Vallarta was a few years ago when Kimberly and Bret were married on the beach outside of the Playa Los Arcos Hotel, A Family Hotel. My parents flew down with my aunt and uncle and stayed at one of the timeshare complexes North of the city center. The ceremony and the time with friends was amazing, shadowed only by an allergic reaction to a fruit shake (i.e. Hives on 99% of my body). I did not forget the itching or my lack of fluency in the Spanish language. You try ordering a topical cream to deal with red spots covering your body like leprosy. What's worse? I get back to San Francisco and the doctors treat me for syphiliss! RUDE! However, aside from the minor distractions, I had a good time and was quite excited to have the opportunity to return for John's 40th birthday celebration and the celebration of Our Lady of Guadalupe!
While Playa Los Arcos advertised itself as a "Family" hotel, John decided that the host hotel should cater to a different family, thus the Hotel Blue Chairs was selected to be our home for five days. Interestingly, this family establishment was only a stone's throw away from the other! Anyway, even the best laid plans have to be executed and getting to the land of sun and sand took longer than anticipated - a lot!
Heading SouthThe challenge began with the 6:20 direct flight from SFO to Puerto Vallarta via Salt Lake City. Yes, direct flight via another city. Hmm. I'm not complaining but one of Delta's issues may be rooted in the fact that they have their own interpretation of how a "direct" flight is interpreted. Now Frank and I have to take some responsibility, we had a voucher for $175 which tipped our decision in our selecting Delta. Anyway, it was 6:00 in the morning, and it is pretty much a given that most people are unpleasant in the morning. However, at at that time people should just wear tags that state, "I will rip you a new one if what you're saying doesn't have bearing on my life!" It is not a time for pleasantries. Trust me. Frank understands this. We enjoyed our newspapers in silence and waited for Delta to welcome us aboard.
The flight was not sold out and as it was an older plane and we are a little bigger, we were happy to have an empty seat between the two of us. Now, partially sold flights bring out the worst in certain people. They decide to take it upon themselves to find new seats, even before everyone has boarded. A loud faux blonde woman with grey streaks and that annoying earthy-crunchy fashion sense was unsuccessfully trying to put her bag in the overhead. A redneck assisted her and the two engaged in a loud conversation (see time comments about silence above). Time passed. A Latino couple came down and it turned out our hippie and our redneck had procurred their seats. The stewardess asked them to move and in the non-inside voice Old Red comments that "They should be on time!" He wasn't at fault! No, it was the late latinos that inconvenienced him who were at fault. Geesh. I would have been on the Latino's side of the drama except one of them decided that bathing in perfume would make the flight more pleasant for everyone. My allergies lost the battle.
Anyhoo, it is never a good sign when your connecting flight is not listed. Worse, it is a bad sign when they let you know that there might be a delay due to a "Mechanical" issue. Oy vey. Fine. A small delay and we'll soon be on our way to sunshine and sand. Wrong. Our first plane was scrubbed for the afore mentioned reason and then prior to loading, Delta changed terminals on us. Fine. We waited. We boarded. We were told that there was something frozen in places on the plane that aren't supposed to be frozen ... and we were unloaded from the plane. We were informed that they would get us to PV at some time during the day. Now that is what I consider customer service!
Always one to take opportunity to leverage free time, I read each of my six magazines. USA Today. New York Times. I noted that the hippie and her hick were also on our flight. The Latino couple were also waiting. I started to hope for a little fight ... didn't happen. So, I took in the sights of the SLC airport. To my surprise, the SLC folks were really supportive of the release of the movie
Brokeback Mountain (cowboy hats as far as the eye could see!). Frank claims they were actual cowboys and that they dressed like that all the time. There is always a remote possibility that I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure they were celebrating the movie ... Utahan folks are known for tolerance and diversity.
OK. Let's recap. So far, we've had three planes and the ladies on our flight have decided to jumpstart their vacation with mucho Bloody Mary's. The couple behind us finally used their "out loud" voices and speculated about the white box we kept putting up into the overhead bin. Call my silly, but a white box, with a handle and clearly labled as wine, and she was speculating. So I stated that they were ashes.
"Oh my God! I'm sorry."
I told her I was joking and said that the box contained two bottles of wine.
"Oh, really?" Silly girl.
"Alright, they are ashes ... you just seemed a bit upset when I mentioned it the first time."
"Really?" Sigh.
Not to judge ... but I'm hoping she doesn't decide bring children into the world.
So, we board our fourth plane of the day and the stewardess apologizes. This is odd. Apparently, it was all her fault - her alarm didn't go off, she was late taking the puppy to doggy day-care, she got rear ended and then she got a ticket! Now, I'm not particularly superstitious and I don't know about you, but this information did not reassure me. I had visions of the Karma gods slapping this woman around and wondering why she was such a poor listener. Luckily, her bad karma was not contagious and we arrived in sunny 90 degree PV. In a loud voice I told Frank to bring Dad down from the overhead bin (
slight gasp from behind) . We got transportation advice from the Bloody Mary crew and then prepared for the International Inspection, a truly high-tech affair. Push a button and if it buzzes a women ignores you while sticking a gloved hand into your underwear! I won! We found out later that Rusty, John's partner, misinterpreted the hand gesture and tried to scan the box of wine he was carrying. PUSH THE BUTTON!!!
We secured a taxi, which then had to take the long route around the city center - apparently the Virgin Mary was having a personal celebration or her own. Then we saw our first sunset. Romantic sigh.
Hotel Blue Chairs (HBC)
HBC is located in the old part of PV, south of the river. There are lots of shops and restaurants within walking distance and of course the ocean was minutes from our front door. Our room was on the third floor in the back and had a partial view of the ocean. At night we could hear the waves crash which combined with the sound of the air conditioner was a very soothing sleeping experience.
A unique experience was getting tagged as a guest. We were given those plastic blue wrist bands and had to wave them at the receptionist when we returned at night. It also allowed us to put our drinks on our account both in the rooftop bar and the beach! We unlocked the door and took note of our oddly shaped room. It wasn't square, more of a trapazoid. On one uneven wall was a kitchenette. Then there was an arch from the kitchenette to the closet. The closet was just a bar on another oddly shaped wall, which bordered the bedroom and the diningroom. Keep in mind, this is all just one big room.
So, it had been a long travel day and when we entered our room there was a towel swan on the king-sized bed (see pictures). Very civilized! The bathroom, however, was a different story. I often find that the logical location of light switch in a bathroom is different in other countries. For example, in 1990 when I was in Paris for a week, we used the bathroom across the hall in the dark for three days because we couldn't locate the switch. It was not until a large German Shepherd came barking down the hall and lo-and-behold when I locked the door, the light came on! Who knew? Anyway, we located the light, turned it on and there on the shower door was a picture of Snow White's cottage with a giant rainbow over the roof. Odd. We quickly unpacked and met the boys on roof for the final gasp of sunset.
Day Life
John's 40th birthday set the bar and was a great way to get geographically remote friends together. Levi Jeff was up from Brasil, Etan came from Los Angeles, and of course the San Francisco boys, Frank and myself, John and Chuck and Keith all joined in the event. We made new friends with Kevin, friend of Chuck and met some new people at the beach from Portland, Oregon.
The weather was perfect, not to hot and not to humid. The water was refreshing after the initial entry, though I have to state for the record that the nipple dip was the hardest to get past. I do blame Sgt. Chuck because he kept going on about amoebas in the ocean. In my mind, if I didn't put my head under the water, I would avoid the amoebas. Eventually, I joined the Portland boys and Levi Jeff in a little body surfing. Of course, the ocean took her vengeance out on us and thrashed our bodies from the crest of the wave down to the sand. Rug burn has nothing on a PV sand burn ... and yes, Chuck was there to point out the rash was probably amoebas.
Other than that, we spent time reading, eating, and having drinks delivered to us under the umbrellas. Not a bad way to spend the day. It is funny how quickly a routine can be set, even in a foreign country.
Typically, the day began at Cafe San Angel with coffee, pancakes and eggs. Yum. One day, we left the beach and wandered the city center and wandered in to the church where all the celebrations were being hosted. The church was being prepared for the next day's event and we took a look around and exited a side door when a busload of tourists appeared, inappropriately dressed. We looked down on to what looked like a shanty-village and it was the shops that were hawking religious icons and memorabilia. Then we noticed, next to the side door, the anti-abortion exhibit. In a series of full scale and full color models, the growth of a fetus! In contrast, there were then pictures of abortions. Hmm. Time to exit the house of God.
We continued our walk along the ocean promenade where there are numerous sculptures, including unique chairs, mer-people, a boy riding a sea-horse and the ladder to the sky. We finished by cutting across the arts and crafts island on the swinging bridge. On our final day, the festival of the Lady of Guadelupe was in full swing and thousands of locals were lined up with statues of the Virgin Mary, branches, instruments, and were going to church. Small children were dressed in traditional costumes and the boys had goatees and moustaches painted on while the girls sported ribbons and braids.
Night LifeOur nights typically be began with sunset on the roof of the hotel and depending on the evening entertainment consisted of Karaoke, drag queens celebrating the holidays by singing such chestnuts as
Let it Snow and
Frosty the Pervert. Dinner with 10 people can always be a challenge, but the food in PV was excellent, especially if you enjoy seafood. We dined on Fajitas, seafood platters, and for Frank and myself, steak! Clubs and such do not get going until after 11:00, which shouldn't have been a problem since that would only be 8:00 PST. Unfortunately, I like to acclimate like the locals and my bedtime is 10:00. Rest assured, I rallied.
On John's birthday, we piled into taxis with our 11 bottles of wine, the Portland boys and headed to an address up in the hills above Puerto Vallarta. It was a little scary because the roads were bumpy and visions of dying danced in my head. Then, with a left turn we were at El Palmador, a restuarant located in a former mansion. We entered the main hall and were shown to a outdoor stairway that lead down to the Pool area and waterfall. Our table was on the edge and we had unobstructed views of the city and the Virgin shared the nights with celebratory fireworks. John is so lucky!
Following dinner, we headed down to one of the many clubs. We had received a personal invitation from one of the performers at Mananas, a new club that had opened a week before in time for the high season. Unlike most of the clubs, Manana's was not a vertical club. You walk through a first floor entry and pass what appears to be rubble from a collapsed roof. The path continues into a large courtyard that had a pool and a stage at one end. Inside a side room was a bar and dance floor.
Finding a seat, we were greeted by the "Tequila Shot Woman." She had skills. You could not say, "No" when she handed you a test tube of liquid to slam. Prior to the slam, she processed you, which entailed tweaking nipples, pinching your nose and touching other places not often touched by a biological female!
Then there was the show. Highlights included numbers of
Steam Heat and Chicago's
All That Jazz. The musical review numbers were interspersed by very fit dancers working their way through thier individual routines. Once the show concluded, it was time to head to Paco Paco, another club that was open until 4:00. I didn't rally. Then it was time for bed and then the Day/Night routine would begin again.
Hasta La Vista PVJohn did a good job gathering a very compatible group of people to celebrate his birthday. It would have been great if Irish Ben, Gil and Robert could have joined us, but overall PV was a good time and overall a very relaxing experience. I didn't get amoebas and Mantazuma did not seek revenge on my colon. If you are in PV and are at the beach, look for the RED flags - they indicate Red Tide which means "STAY OUT OF THE WATER" and if you are in town, light a candle for the Virgin of Guadalupe, she kept an eye on us and should be remembered.
Not that it was a show I would want to see again in the near future ... it was a good show and Kikki and Herb put their hearts and souls into it for nearly 2 1/2 hours, including two encore numbers. 
