A Sign that the End is Near

Can you identify the faux pax of this picture? Neither can I! I thought I was being sweet by bringing home a little gift from Frank's home state.

Where to begin?

• First, Frank is giving the
  gig 'em sign while wearing a t-shirt university of texas (yes, the lower caps
  are on purpose).

  Second, he doesn't like burnt orange.

  Finally, it's a Texas thing ... ask him to explain. Needless to say, this
  will probably be the only time he will wear the shirt.

Go AGGIES!

Heading to Orlando for President's Day Weekend

View Pictures: Click here to view

Taking the Redeye Flight

In the movie, Tristram Shandy - A Cock and Bull Story, the pregnant wife and husband are off to London in a carriage. She looks uncomfortable and the husband says, it won't be long ... just two days to London! I shouldn't complain about an overnight flight and there are advantages such as being able to spend a full day at the destination but I'm getting older, wider and the planes, like my pants, seem to be getting smaller.

Due to planning differences, Frank and I did not fly together and for some reason my itinerary included a three-hour layover in Miami. I thought I had won the seat lottery because the plane was fully boarded and there was an empty seat next to me ... then a mother and child who had not preboarded waddled down the aisle and of course sat next to me. The only thing worse than a redeye flight is a redeye flight seated next to an adorable three-month infant. Luckily, my infant missed the "must cry" memo and gurgled and burped the entire flight ... unlike the ones three rows ahead who threw histrionics the entire flight. I'll state for the record iPods should be distributed for everyone seated next to a child. If you have to bend your legs in to an origami fold just to fit in the seat, one's ears should be protected and with a slight turn of the dial even the most obnoxious sounds can be drowned out to the sounds of one's personal selection of music. Baby crying? Play Jesus walks by Kanye West and the world is a better place.

Landing in Miami at 5:00 in the morning is not a pleasant experience. The cafes are not open. The bar is locked up and the remnants from the night before were still left on the tables. Workers were lounging and CNN was blaring in conjunction with the peppy music that would make a person crave a muzak filled elevator of sweating Russians. Time passed and finally the terminal came to life and with a cup of coffee it didn't feel like 4:00 in the morning PST. I arrived an hour before Frank and once he got off the plane we headed to Alamo.

Alamo - Home of the Self-esteem

People should not be perky early in the morning and this rule should have consequences to those in the service industry. Perky drivers who disorient and ask question on the way to the rental car lot should be reprimanded. I don’t know that I will be lost. I don’t know why Alamo and National are in the same location. I don’t want to have a pleasant day. I just don’t care. If I have questions, I’ll ask. Cranky? Maybe. I know, I know. If given the choice between a grump and a chipper person, I’m inclined to go with the grump; they tend to work in silence.

Now, I will compliment Alamo for having more than an adequate number of staff available to service the line. We raced through the queue and then met Pam, who has my mother beat in the guilt trip. Don’t you want to upgrade to a larger SUV? It’s only $45.00 more for the entire weekend? You’re big. I’m sure you will be more comfortable. We said no. We are tall but there seems to be a trend with people feeling free to comment. I mean do they see short people and state, “An SUV? Wouldn’t you feel more comfortable in a Mini-Cooper?”

Pam would not take No for an answer. Did we want additional insurance? No? What if you were in a terrible accident? You would be responsible for the car. And since you are in such a small SUV … No thank you. Do you want the gas option? We’ll charge you a gazillion dollars if you don’t bring it back full. No? Are you sure about the SUV? Fine. Initial here and sign here. This indicates that you are fully responsible for any damages, bodily mutilation, my loss of commission and a smaller crown in heaven … if you make it. Good grief! Just get us our car so we can get out of here. I must have missed the “You are now entering Purgatory” sign. Pam asked a woman to bring our small SUV to the curb. She even came out from behind her station to make another comment. Whoever beat her as a child should be punished, but seriously lady, LET IT GO. The car only looks small next to us!

On the Road

Our little SUV was not up to the Texan standard of vehicles but more than adequate for two people making a 90 mile trip to Orlando. Following our mapquest directions we took a few side roads and found that for $40,000 we could purchase our dream single-wide trailer! I think the cost of living might be a bit more affordable than San Francisco where I don’t think you could buy a closet for the same price.

It was an enjoyable little trip. Orange groves. Cracker Barrel restaurants every 20 minutes and of course some of the funkiest cars held together by duck tape I’ve ever seen. To be fair we were not staying in Orlando proper but the strip mall, tourist outlets, chain restaurants, and traffic put a damper on the notion of buying a piece of the dream. Besides, trailers tend to attract the ire of God when he’s sending hurricanes out to take out the ugliness in the world.

Of course, this might be why there is the Holy Land Experience (www.holylandexperience.com) where you can "Visit Jerusalem in Orlando!" We might have trailer parks but we also have Jerusalem! I just want to sigh a collective "OY VEY" and get over it. It's fun. It's interactive and you can enjoy a Goliath Burger and shop! Because after watching Christ get whipped and die in the interactive musical, who doesn't want to shop. Fun for the entire family and a great way to spend the day during Gay Days at Disney ... you and the Baptists can wrestle over theology!

Hotel Meridian

The Hotel Meridian was a bargain. It was not like staying on property but for $60 bucks a night, a king size bed, a toaster over, who are we to complain? I mean who doesn't carry a loaf of bread with them, just in case they have a craving for toast in the middle of the night? Besides, we were given one of the best rooms in the place … the handicapped room. Oddly enough, the shower did not have a rim on it. I assume this was designed for a person in a wheelchair, which neither of us had. The lack of a rim created a puddle in the bathroom which I would assume could be hazardous for someone not too stable on their feet. It was clean. There was a carb-fest breakfast offering every morning and really bad coffee. Heaven.

The Forbidden City

We had lunch at Smokey Bones, the perfect place for those with A.D.D. At each table there was speaker which could be tuned to any of the TVs mounted around the room. It’s like eating at home, except the waiter gets pissy when you don’t choose to start drinking cocktails (famous or not) at 11:00 in the morning. So, we decided that for dinner we would try to not to eat at a chain restaurant. We consulted our family guide and head to Orlando. Apparently the guide was out of date and after driving up and down the block opted for The Forbidden City. Hmm. Big Mark used to comment on Asian restaurants that you could always tell the caliber of a restaurant by two things. First, if they have picture menus … avoid. Second, check out the bathroom. If the bathroom is scary … avoid. There were no pictures and I forgot to check the bathroom, besides the staff was very friendly. We took the recommendation of the chief and it tasted, no, it didn’t taste. Blah. It was filling and then I checked out the bathroom. You decide, should we have stayed? Next time, I'll remember the rules.

Note: If you click on the image you can see the full beauty of the room in detail like the paper on the floor behind the toilet, the stains on the wall (Frank claims it is the wallpaper, but I'm not convinced).

Two Days in the Happiest Place on Earth - Day 1

It's the happiest place on earth ... okay, it's the happiest place in Florida (we all know where Mickey really calls home!).

View Pictures: Click here for the full 2 Day Set

Breakfast

I love my carbs, don't get me wrong, and I think waffle machines are great fun, but I think that some people need to rethink where they spend their money. Yes it is a free breakfast, but 10 different forms of solid carbohydrates and sugar do not equate to a real meal and when you can't afford dental care for your family, you should not be spending the required cash for any of the parks ... even the Holy Land Experience. Teeth come first.

Anyway, after a little judgemental dining (on my part) where people were preparing to go into public wearing really inappropriate clothing that did not go with their missing teeth (I exaggerate), we were ready to head to our first of two Disney parks for the day ... Disney's MGM Studios.

MGM Studios

Betty was very nice about taking my money in exchange for $170 for two fun filled days at Disneyworld. The happiest place apparently includes a mortgage for a family of four. However, since my baby has four legs and does not like rollercoasters, people or travel it was just Frank and me at the park. We opted to get the Park Hopper which allowed us to visit any of the parks throughout the day.

MGM Studios is the Disney version of Universal Studios. Everything is themed around the movies or television. Our first destination was to head over to the Rock and Roller Coaster and the Tower of Terror (TOT). When it comes to theming the TOT wins hands down. The Twilight Zone theme caused a mother and daughter to discuss whether their souls would be endangered by riding the ride. Yawn. By the looks of it the mother should be more concerned with trying to deceive her husband that she is a blonde and the daughter obviously enjoyed the waffle machine at her hotel ... if you know what I mean. People ... YOU ARE AT DISNEYWORLD on the TOWER OF TERROR. You should be more concerned that there are people that could be fed for year with the amount of cash you dropped to walk in the door.

Anyway, TOT is a great ride and then we headed off to find other attractions that would hold our attention. We did the backlot tour, saw the stunt show and wandered in to the Chronicles of Narnia exposition where apparently it was a like "Employee Park Swap" day! The poor girl could not pronounce C.S. Lewis and the story was reduced to kids ... war... ward ... robe... witch and eat good. Why they were eating was never explained and I've never seen so many people wandering what we were supposed to do and why we couldn't understand the girl's English. After lunch, we we jumped in our car and headed to Epcot with hopes of hitting a few rides and taking a stroll around the world before meeting Bev and Dan for dinner in Paris. Ooh la la!

Epcot

Epcot is a funny place in that it feels like a world's fair from the 70's, one that should have been dismantled. There are pavillions, which house educational exhibits and the futuristic fountains and such. It's interesting but compared to the countries that surround the lake, a bit sterile. We did enjoy the Soarin' attraction which is originally from California Adventure. Oddly, if you didn't read the map you wouldn't know what the attraction was or why you were flying over California, instead of say, Florida or countries of the world. I mean it couldn't be that difficult to swap orange groves and keep the scent or fly over the Atlantic instead of the Pacific and still smell the salt air. Great attraction ... odd location.

I did enjoy the countries, though we were at this point doing just a walk about and wandering whether we had selected the best pair of shoes for our two-day romp. We made it to France and sat down with about 15 minutes to spare. Bev and Dan found us and we were off to dinner.

Dinner in Paris

After a full day on our feet, we sat down in Paris to wait for Bev and Dan. It would be our first event for two days together and the first time that Dan and Frank would meet. Bev recommended the upper room and it was an excellent choice. Apparently the staff are aunthentic (i.e. from France) and all have very thick accents. Thick like a steak thick. William, the English translation of our waiter was an attractive young man who after determining what kind of water we would have questioned Bev whether "Madam" would like to start with a Kir Royal. Now mind you, we have been sort of having a conversation with William for five minutes. It was that awkward, do we get a glass of wine or a bottle? Do we order the Prix Fix menu or ala' Carte? So having navigated some of the table arrangements the men at the table were not going to take the first step and determine whether we would be having Kir Royals or not. Besides, Frank was feeling ill and would not be having alcohol. Now, Bevy had gone into what I like to call the language zone; that place where you nod your head like you are having a grand old time, but really you are thinking of that your son's girlfriend left her underwear at your house and you washed them.

Would Madam care for Kir Royal?
Madam?
Huh?
Would Madam care for Kir Royal?

It was kind of like watching a deer in the headlights. There was no way in hell Bev knew what William was saying or what a Kir Royal was or why he was asking her if she would like one. I think it was the first time I've seen Bev for a loss of words. She was caught and we were not going to help her out of the zone.

Uhh, no thanks!

Way to go Bev. I have to agree with her when she stated that it was a good thing that she and Dan had not seen the Pink Panther movie prior to dinner. Having since seen it, the scene with the Hamburger is right on target and absolutely hysterical. Needless, to say, our meal was excellent, we missed half of what William was saying and had a great time together.

It was the start of a meal that was filled with laughter and stories, unlike the couple seated next to us. Personally, I thought the couple was on a bad first date. They did not speak. She would not try any of his food. We carried on. They remained silent. We enjoyed wine. They did not speak. By the end of the meal, I was determined to get a picture of the waiter. The couple held hands ... and had wedding rings; there went the first date theory. It must have been painfully obvious how dull they were or how obnoxious we were!

As everyone headed to the exit and to the restrooms, I eyed William and had to get his picture. Luckily, with Bev there, it didn't seem creepy. We could have been like the table just down from us who photographed him pouring the wine, holding the menu, lighting dessert on fire. The poor boy is a trapped bird in a cage singing for his supper, leave him alone! Anyway, not wanting to let the opportunity pass, I said Pardon moi (oui ... in French!) but Madam would like a picture with you! He feigned surprise and asked, "You want a picture with me?" Of course she did ... married women are alike and since he brought her such great pleasure and the rest of us, I'm glad I did. More on that later. This is William and Bev!

Epcot Fireworks

After our very non-Disney dinner we headed out to the lake to see the fireworks. I'm sure it has a name, everything at Disney does. The show is very impressive and includes a giant globe of the earth that floats out to the middle of the lake, includes video displays and is synchronized to music and fireworks. Our first Disney day was only a taste for what would come on Day Two! Our friends were great park companions and we had Animal Kingdom and the Magic Kingdom to conquer.

Live the moment!

Two Days in the Happiest Place on Earth - Day 2

The Park Hoppers - Dan, Bev, Frank and Douglas

View Pictures: Click here for the full 2-day set

There are people you want to go to a park with and there are those you go once and will never do it again. Bev and Dan are troopers and are welcome to any theme park in the future. Park people are unique in that you have to understand that notion of lines. You have to be entertaining and able to have conversations with all people in the group. There is nothing worse than people who won't talk in line or those who bitch and moan about the length of a line. Silly pictures are also a must. See examples below. Who would have guessed that someone (Bev) was dreaming of a certain French waiter pouring chocolate sauce (with an accent please) over her derrier!

Animal Kingdom

We began Day Two of our adventure at the Animal Kingdom. Rumors that Expedition Everest, the new rollercoaster that goes both forward and backward and gets attacked by a Yeti, was having a soft opening was reason enough to charge the gates at 8:00 in the morning. Of course, the guard had to question us why we were not at Daytona. Being lame, I pointed to Bev and blamed it on her! Had I been thinking, I could have pulled off the "so you can afford your single-wide!" On second thought, it is probably better that I kept my mouth shut.

I think visually, Animal Kingdom is my favorite park. The foliage, the theming, the attractions, everything just feels like it's been there a long time and that a lot of thought went into making each corner a new adventure. We got to ride Everest three times before calling it quits, went on a safari and saw a baby elephant playing like a puppy with a slightly older baby elephant! It was so adorable. We also had the pleasure of riding on a wild mouse type rollercoaster that allowed for four people to ride in the same car and spun as it went around the track. Kind of like the tilt-o-whirl on tracks. Well, Bev and Dan squeezed in to their half of the car and Frank and I folded in on top of each. We started spinning and started laughing. Good times.

Animal Kingdom does not have the same caliber or number of attractions that can be found at the other parks but it is catching up and definately worth a half day. Since the Magic Kingdom was open until midnight, we had lunch at the Rainforest Cafe before heading over to the second park of the day. I would mention where we parked ... but I've been told that I can't keep secrets. Let me just say that even though we had paid for parking ... our cars were in potential jeapardy all day, though Bev swore there wouldn't be an issue.

Magic Kingdom

We walked to the main gates and Dan ran off to get a haircut. I don't remember much, aside from pictures and early movies dad made of Disney World in the 70's. The funny thing is that unlike the original Disneyland, and some would say the best park, many of the original attractions are still in tact. Country Bears? Still here and in the original condition. Who doesn't want to hear "a great big pud...dle ... of ba-lood on the ground." Rapture. It's a small world. Still there. Wheel of progress ... jump on board. The Thunder Mountain Railroad is excellent and their Splash Mountain actually tells the full story of Brer Rabbit.

Needless to say, it was a full day and Bev and Dan, while good sports, politely said, "We're theme parked out." For a couple of locals, they held in for the long haul. We had a good time and made arrangements for breakfast at the Animal Kingdom Lodge, another excellent recommendation. After they left, we raced to Tomorrowland for the last of our riding adventures, then secured a good spot for the fireworks. It was a fun filled day at the happiest place on earth and I'm thankful that I got to share them with my partner and such great friends.

The Firework Finale at the Magic Kingdom

Gung Hay Fat Choy

View Pictures: Click Here

There’s an old saying that to truly understand a person’s perspective you need to walk a mile in their shoes. I’d like to suggest spending an afternoon in their pants! Literally, spend an afternoon in someone’s pants and you’ll never look at your own clothing the same again.

February's San Francisco adventure included joining the bridge and tunnel folk to celebrate Chinese New Year, having drinks with the locals during the Chinese New Year parade and visiting West Portal for dinner. Why do this you ask?


Well, Frank read that there was a local family establishment along the Chinese New Year Parade route and we decided to do a walk about and then end there for a little celebration for the Year of the Dog. I was dressed for the unusually sunny day and Frank noted that I would be more comfortable wearing pants. So, after a few attempts, I found a pair that seemed to fit. Thirty minutes later, I realized that I should have also opted for a belt … apparently my 37 year old ass does not have the same shelf life it used to and I was looking a little more hip hop than is appropriate for this old white boy. I have to admit, I don’t pay much attention to my pants so the need to hoist them up every thirty seconds must be similar to someone who gets their nipple pierced and all of sudden feels the t-shirt rubbing across their chest in ways they never felt before or never noticed. No, no, no. I'm just speculating … don’t read into this … really. Trust me. Nipple rings and a hairy chest are not a good match.

Chinese New Year Festival

We worked our way to Grant street, early enough to not have to wade through the parade route nesters and not too late that the festival was closed. In route, we stopped by the park located in China Town. During a typical day there are children running around, older people playing games that you can't buy at Target and the usual array of birds. Today, it was packed with the usual and the tourists. Now this park also has one of the few easily accessed public restrooms, and as I am apt to do, I take advantage of such knowledge. I never want to have the conversation that the restroom is for customers only discussion. Hmm. I’m not sure if there are levels of mistakes but the restroom on this day could qualified as a level orange.

Public restrooms are generally unpleasant places to do business in the first place and the heavy usage from the day’s events made for an even more unpleasant experience. Of course, I can’t argue with my bladder once it’s been given permission to … you know. There was a line of older Asian men and I respectfully joined the queue, noting that my thongs would not protect my toes from the miniature Lake Shasta that had gathered just inside the door … and I’m not referencing the Lake Shasta of the late 80’s after a couple years of drought. Ick.

So, there I am in the middle of older gentlemen who apparently did not get the memo that others might be in queue ahead of them. I know it is heightist of me, but at 6’3” and 270 pds I should be a formidable presence. Nope. Cut. Cut again. Cut. Cut. Cut. I guess if you look at the floor and race to the next availablel urinal or toilet who can blame you for being rude? I found the whole no eye contact thing annoying. The lake started swirling. My eyes were swimming and I was praying that somewhere the bleach gods would unleash a stream into the enclosed space. It didn’t happen, so bolstering my courage and setting aside my good manners, I pushed forward and secured a urinal. I positioned myself appropriately close to my urinal, squarely set between the two partitions. I then learned how our mini-lake Shasta was formed.

In the book, Daisy May and the Miracle man, there is a chapter about Daisy May going to the local Bingo Hall with her Grandmother. The first time I read the scene was on a road trip with Shelby, my girlfriend at the time. Anyway, we were taking turns reading and it was my turn to read when we got to the Bingo chapter. In the book, Daisy finds herself in a similar situation to mine except she was given strict instructions to “hover” over the toilet, lest she encounter the pools of urine that have gathered on the seat. Being a guy, I did not know about the hover instructions that are passed down from generation to generation of females. In her quest to not touch the sprinkled seat, her legs cramped and she slipped and fell … exactly. Ick. Poor Shelby, she started laughing so hard that we had to pull to the side of the road to finish the chapter. So I’m in my Daisy position and I feel a little splash on my unprotected foot, which is license to identify the source. The source turned out to be a geriatric Asian man who did not feel compelled to approach the urinal, instead he was standing a full two feet back and taking aim, poor aim, but aim not the less. I can understand that he didn't want to get to close to the puddle in front of his urinal, but he was adding to it and peeing on my foot at the same time. Perhaps if I had stood two feet back, it would not have been an issue? Hmm, perhaps this too is some secret that is passed on from generation to generation among those in China Town.

Note to self … avoid the China Town public restroom.

The Quest

At this time, the sound of firecrackers and poppers could be heard constantly. Frank went into the must-have-poppers-now mode. Poppers or Snaps are little white balls that “Pop” when thrown on the ground. We entered the throng of people and after a little distraction he was successful. My sister and her eldest daughter, Brianna, visited a few years ago at this time. I have to admit deriving great pleasure throwing the snaps at her feet and having her hit me. Evil uncle.

Now, if the snaps could silence red necks, that would be an accomplishment. Having been ignored earlier, I discovered that I might not be at fault. During the festival, the bridge-and-tunnel folk from around the country arrive in their inside-their-own-homes voices and comments. Usually, these can be heard as running commentary at a movie theater. This time they are on the streets, purchasing Chinese male hats with braids and yelling...

Guong Ha Foot Chow … Guong Ha Foot Chow … Guong Ha Foot Chow … Dude, I learned to say that in school. Orientals say that for their New Year … Guong Ha Foot Chow!

Some might call it ballsy to be yelling like an idiot in a way that is obviously not "respectful" in the middle of China Town. It could be like bringing out your personal hand-drawn copy of the cartoon drawings that are causing all of the ruckus at a Mosque. Good times. Perhaps the splash on my foot in the bathroom was intentional and was the man's way of making things even in the world. Who knows?

It was then time to head back to Ginger Trois, a small establishment that was packed with people, of all shape, color, gender, age, and levels of intoxication. Christmas from 1978 is still being celebrated though there were several Chinese lanterns hung, though when they were hung, is up for questioning. One gentleman had a rhinestone belt buckle in the shape of a pirate. Odd. Even more odd was the fact that his entire back pocket was covered with shiny rhinestones … someone got a little crazy with their Bedazzler. We enjoyed the view, a few beers and then headed outside to see the parade.

People walked. People lit firecrackers. Lions chased balls into the crowd and long dragons wound their way down the street. Good times. Getting a little hungry we thought that we should … go for Mexican at El Toreador in West Portal.

El Toreador

The best way to our Chinese New Year celebration? How about a trip on MUNI underground out to West Portal and enjoy dinner at El Toreador?

My Favorite Things

Do you ever get the feeling that the universe has something to say and that you don't quite understand the language? I do and I have several mediums trying to contact me. The first is my cat, which as mentioned here on several occasions has found her voice. I truly do not understand why she howls at the bathtub. I find it baffling.

Howl ... HOWL ... HOOOWWL... HOOOOOWWWWWLLLLL

and then she walks down the hallway and curls up in a ball and goes to sleep. What are the demons that speak to her in the bathroom? Is she protecting me from some unknown entity. I've left a pad of paper and a pen just in case it is Grandfather and he has something he needs me to communicate to Malle. So far the pen and paper have not been used ... of course, he could be doing what Kurt Vonnegut's narrator (a ghost) in his novel Galapagos does and write the story on air with an invisible hand.

There is also the possibility that Kitty is actually channeling an entity and not speaking cat is having a hard time getting the message through ... perhaps I could put a phone on the floor and let the Bush Administration use their resources to interpret and prevent another cat-astrophic event. One message that has come through loud and clear is that she expects her diet to consists of Fancy Feast Grilled wet food and Meow Mix. For those of you who have not investigated why cats ask for it by name go down to your local rehab clinic and break out a crack pipe. Meow Mix is basically crack for cats and it's not a quaint occurrence that they "ask for it by name." The poor little pussies are having withdrawals and only a little shot of the good stuff will bring them back to land of the living ... until the urge calls again. Damn you Meow Mix!

Anyway, Kitty is a joy and her fur is soft ... though smells a bit of Fancy Feast oil and aside from the dietary requests does not demand an unreasonable percentage of my income. My little Ford Focus on the other hand could not wait to get her hands on my tax refund. Not even two days had passed after I submitted my forms online when I heard the noise no car owner wants to hear. Grrgle cough whirr. Click click. Now, keep in mind that I was going to be a good boy and visit my charity (i.e., Gold's Gym) and was out of bed and on my way by 7:45 in the morning on my day off. And then ... Grrgle cough whirr. Click click. CRAP!

I tried again and after a few sputters I got it started and drove across town to the Ford dealership and discussed some possible issues: alternator, battery, starter, mystery issue. Of course, I am now 7,000 miles past my extended warranty and every little cost is going to come directly out of my pocket. So I'm trying to stay in a good place when I'm called to task on my inconsistent maintenance routines. I kind of chose the partial 40,000 mile checkup and skipped the 60,000 mile checkup altogether. Fine. How much is the 60,000 you ask? $505! Oy vey. Ok, so I'll just add this to the Car Insurance costs and of course the mystery costs. My buddy Scot from S&C Ford is going to give me a call later.

So with a cup of Ford coffee (Note to Starbucks: You have nothign to worry about!) in hand I walked out of the shop and looked for the next bus to take me back across town. The 24 is an interesting bus line in the city of San Francisco. It is a circle route from Pacific Heights out to the Potrero Hill and in the process probably passes through at least 7 or more neighborhoods. Not that I'm too good for public transportation, I just wasn't in the mood to spend more money on my nonpublic transportation and now not have my tax refund to spend on something like a bicycle. Anyway, apparently the juices and joints needed a bit of loving. The steering fluid was dirty. The back brakelight was not working. The battery needed replacing and I could have her back for a bargain rate of $950! I thought for sure that the karma gods would balance things out by letting me win the lotto Friday night. I did my part and bought a ticket and ... they said no. So I have a bionic car and a howler ... just a few of my favorite things.